A friend of mine recently posted in her FB that she's feeling depressed because she can't afford to buy more dresses right now, and fears that she'll become less popular because of it. I told her that I wouldn't care if she wore a Milanoo plastic lace monstrosity with crocks, she'd still be my friend. Another friend admitted to feeling the same way at times - this really got me thinking.
More dresses = popularity?
Popularity = Self-worth? Justification for being? Filling a void of acceptance?
Why is this style so popular with girls who have severe self-esteem and self-appreciation issues? Depression, obsessive behaviour, eating disorders, suicidal tendencies, panic attacks and a whole array of other mental health problems seem to be more of a norm than an exception with the followers of this fashion. I personally have overcome the worst years, and although I've never been to the really deep end of it, I've had my difficult times. I still sometimes get panic attacks and struggle with my self-image, but it's nothing compared to the trials some of my friends and associates have to deal with.
Unfortunately this fashion also attracts some people with narcissistic personality disorders, and I don't just mean mere vanity and attention-seeking. I mean the kind of deal where someone manipulates others into doing their bidding, making these already beaten-down girls feel even worse, even more inadequate and desperate.
Why does this style in particular seem to harbour so many broken people? Any thoughts?
I think many people who get into lolita tend to be very sensitive creative types, and that is also the personality type that is very prone to mental health issues. Lolies are usually the original types who are not afraid to stand out so with that also unfortunately comes many experiences of being "the nail that gets hammered down" which is not a best growing enviroment for healthy self-esteem. I think even for a strong person it's inhuman to think some of the both direct and indirect messages of you are different and therefor what you are is wrong to not to get to you, when that is what one is constantly bombarded with.
ReplyDeleteI too tend to get depresssed on long dry spells, because on medium bad days lolita is one of the very few things that does tend to lift my spirits a little bit. I myself am not so into popularity thing (of course a bit of admiration is nice and I am deeply grateful for all the friendlyiness I've gotten from the community), but just having something new and pretty and waiting for and opening the package and trying it on and twirling alone in myapartment for the first time in it.
I so recognise the ugly duckling syndrome, I too often feel in meetups being among perfectly beautiful creatures, while my bows are always open, curls in thin hair fall flat in 5 seconds and what I'm wearing is pretty pretty boring and plain not some creative daring new masterpiece of coordination. And there's a level of "good lolita" I never seem to reach no matter how much effort I put in. Thankfully I'm not the I hate what I envy type and am usually pretty happy to just roll around in my admiration of others and feel deeply grateful I haven't gotten treated as deeply inferior as I actually feel/am. (And yes there's a reasonable part of me that knows a part of it is just in my head, but strangely that doesn't make me feel any better.)
And yet I know for a fact that you're idolized by many. It's hard to see oneself through the eyes of others, especially if you have an inadequate mental image of yourself to compare with. I'm so glad you commented, I suppose it may well be that certain personality types are both prone to psychological problems and gravitating towards lolita.
ReplyDelete“Do you think I've gone round the bend?"
ReplyDelete"I'm afraid so. You're mad, bonkers, completely off your head. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.”
One of the reasons I love this fashion is the people involved with it. I agree what Elfie said, this fashion attracts people who are not afraid of to stand out, but still these people may be more vulnerable than others and have more self esteem issues. Maybe it is even more difficult for popular lolitas, being admired might make you feel pressured to always look good.
Wouldn't it be just wonderful if one could sometimes see onself through "total objectivity mirror"?
ReplyDeleteAnd I do feel lolita is very good form of escapism, so maybe it's not suprising it attracts people who have issues with reality one really needs to escape from.
I know I'm popular in the sense that I have a lot of friends in the circles, but I'm fortunate enough to know that it's not because of how many dresses I have or how many photos I post of my outfits.
ReplyDeleteTotal objectivity mirror would be AWESOME.