"..What beautiful music they make"

I sing. I've been singing since I was three years old, and haven't stopped since. I sung in choirs, I sung at school and I've been a member in so many bands I've lost count...until I found the one that completes me and allows me to both express myself and develop as an artist.

Embassy of Silence has been in operation since 2007, and we make music that's been described with all of the following adjectives in different reviews:

- Intelligent metal
- Progressive goth metal (Apparently it's enough to have a female vocalist to qualify as "goth"
- Goth rock (I can't understand why, though)
- Power metal (Which we totally are NOT)
- Progressive melodic metal (That's pretty close, I suppose)

I guess It's safe to say we're a tough band to label. We toy around with different themes, moods and music styles and don't really want to sit in one box genre-wise. We, however, describe our stuff as beautiful atmospheric progressive rock/metal. We like to challenge the listener, but also paint sceneries and tell stories. Our albums have been said to "open up slowly", so they last through several listenings and the listener's favourites usually change over time.

I sometimes wear Lolita clothes on our gigs, but not as a means to differentiate, but because they're a part of my persona. I've been saying for a long time that it'd be great to see more Lolitas on our gigs, since I know for a fact that many Lolitas don't just listen to classical music or J- or K-pop/rock, but have more varied tastes.We have closer to 2000 FB-fans around the world at the moment, and I admit, this post is a shameless attempt at getting more listeners. But not just any listeners; Lolitas. I make lyrics and song melodies, and we make tunes that suit different mindsets; we spin stories that take their inspiration from classic literature, movies, legends and more. If there were more of you pretties at our gigs, I'd be over the moon with joy!

http://www.facebook.com/embassyofsilence

http://www.embassyofsilence.net

We're also on Spotify, just search for Embassy of Silence. Our albums "Euphorialight" and "Antler Velvet" are available for listening.

To conclude, here's a few videos available on youtube. I'll mark the ones I especially think Lolitas might enjoy!

Some songs from our first album "Euphorialight"

"The Mercury Lamp" (Lolita-recommended!)

"I Ride Alone"

"Euphorialight" (Lolita-recommended, despite low quality of sound!)

And here's some from our second album "Antler Velvet".

"Unconverted"

"Touch the Zenith" (Definitely Lolita-recommended!)

"Conundrum"

Friendship and lolita

Friends and lolita

I think I wouldn’t be in this style anymore, or at least not as keenly, if it weren’t for the numerous good friends I’ve acquired during the course of the last two years. Despite being in the fashion for much longer than that, I never really bonded with that many people until I got sucked (or suckered?) in the personal lives of some Finnish Lolitas. Sure, meetups might be an ok way to make friends, but most of the actual “getting to know you” has happened outside these gatherings, such as online or during smaller hangouts. I’ve met the most incredibly talented, interesting and ambitious people through this style.

Kaisa (as Sookie) and Illu

Some of these girls (and boys) I see more often than others, but since it is the age of Internet, it’s pretty easy to stay in touch. Sometimes it probably seems to others like a big circle-j*rk with the blog-followings and FB likes, but I’m quite intrigued by this newly found world of girliness. Harmless gossip really is harmless, if it doesn’t sprout drama, which I try to avoid as much as possible.

Some girls flaunt with outfits and purchases, others with high-quality beauty photos, but I’d like to think that what I bring to the Lolita table is what’s inside the clothes. Get your minds out of the gutter! I mostly mean my sense of humour and personality, and even my smarts – they’re my best feature, and I think I value praise directed towards those qualities even more than the “aww, so cute” –type of comments. I don’t really fit the fashion blogger –box, and my friends probably like me for just that. I always try to bring out the person behind the style, whether it be personal troubles people have, being silly, or just the very un-ladylike traits some of my Lolita friends have. That’s the person I make friends with, not the brand items they have or how attractive and porcelain-skinned they are. Kinship based solely on looks tends to get really old REALLY fast, especially with me, since there’s only so many conversations to be had covering the topic of “I ordered a dress” and only so much fun to be had with “we could twin in a photo-shoot”.

This is pretty much how all of my friends act - lolita or not

These days I don’t even really think about whether I look the best in a meetup, or how many pictures are being taken of me. It’s really quite liberating to be able to think I’m going to make new acquaintances or friends and charm them with who I am rather than what I’m wearing. Sure, I put some thought in the coordinations I put together and how I apply make-up – Lolita is still an aesthetic thing – but it’s not the main purpose for me.

I love my friends because they make me laugh, want to see me and depend on me during difficult times, and I want to know how they are and what they’re thinking of. I certainly hope they love me for the same reasons. This applies to the friends I have in my other circles as well, and I love to mash things up during parties by introducing musicians, role-players, Goths and Lolitas to each other. It’s sometimes surprising how much these people have in common – in a way they’re all geeks and misfits in the eyes of the general public. And that’s how I like them.

Borrowed from Kati (Irreversibleinspiration.blogspot.fi)

Purr purr purchases!

Recently I've bought two items from Laura - a black velvet bolero by BtSSB, and an Angelic Pretty Cutsew.

I also bought these awesome chandelier pantyhose that I originally found featured in FB:s Hautemacabre page. Shown here in lower right corner. The other hosiere is cool as well - especially the ones with the letters on them!

I'm already waiting for summer, so I decided to get a pair of cute red summer shoes from Zalando, (click to see what they look like!) since they were having a sale.

Oh, and here's the lovely apron I got from my boyfriend for Christmas, it's by Minna of Sweet-Sweet shop. I honestly don't know if she's still in business or not, but at least I finally got my apron! Sorry for the camera's weird ghost spheres.

I also got these accessories from the Enfant Terrible Christmas gift-swap; a fur-collar, a cameo brooch and a black bead choker-necklace-collar thingy.

HelLoCon

I went to HelLoCon (Helsinki Lolita Convention) that was held at the culture arena Gloria on February 23rd. I would've attended anyway, but got in free because my friend Myrsky organized a panel discussion with the topic "Lolita and feminism", and asked for me to be one of the discussionists. I, Myrsky, Petra, Rithrin and Marie actually managed to make a light-hearted but interesting 45 minutes worth of talk, although we barely got a surface scratch to the underlying issues. Nevertheless we had a blast, and I got to hang out with and meet lots of other friends, such as Katja, Laura,Toni, Minja, Anna, Kati, Mimi, Elfie, Tuulia, Jenni, Jonna and Ilona, despite most of the previous being quite busy with arranging and attending fashion shows and other program that there was a good selection of.

I participated in the drawing competition and won second place (The first place went -deservedly - to the lovely Charlotta, whom I also voted for) with this funny-ish little doodle:

It was superb to see all of you, even if I didn't mention you here, or if we didn't get a real chance to catch up. The Finnish lolita circles are awesome, I've said it before and I'll say it again.

Money money money

Borrowed from the Parfaitdoll -blog

Lolita is an expensive style, even if you've got a job, are adept at making your own clothes or only buy second hand, off-brand or replicas. The way I've gathered it, many Lolitas I know don't have many other hobbies besides Lolita, and have had to give up on things they used to do and love (sometimes this even includes paying the rent or buying groceries) just to be able to afford the things they want. There was a conversation about this in the Enfant Terrible FB-group recently, with the title "how would you spend your money without Lolita?" Some replied that they'd probably use it in other types of clothing, electronics or - like I said, hobbies.

I myself am a busy bee. For a few examples, it's not cheap to go to the gym, my online psychology studies (not to mention the books required) aren't any different, drawing equipment is costly, and by the time I've paid the bills and budgeted my grocery-shoppings, not much money is left for the spending. I only buy Lolita when there happens to be some extra in my account or I come across something I absolutely have got to have this instance. I don't really have the option of "how would I spend my money", when Lolita is just another moveable expense as any other expense. If I wasn't in a band, didn't know how to hold a pen, didn't study or wasn't into sports in any way, I suppose I could be splurging with shopping some more.

The average second-hand brand JSK costs around 100-250€, and I'm a bit ashamed to say I do many of my ex tempore buying with a credit card, which I've very nearly maxed out and am slowly paying off with my meager salary. Why couldn't I just have put the same amount of money aside for later purchases and simply waited? I may be a lot of things, but a very prudent saver I am not. As much as I seem to preach about common sense and moderation in this blog, immediate payoff is sometimes too tempting a thing to pass. For my defense I can, however, say that my credit rating is fine and I haven't gotten into trouble with money. My job is secured for as long as I want it, and although I don't earn a lot, I do get by.

Same isn't true for a lot of people who get caught up in the world of must have and shopping to meet some invisible need. I've read about girls who've gotten themselves in so much debt they couldn't handle it anymore, and some girls pay for their clothes with prostitution. Is it all really worth it? I'm not one of those people who damn prostitution as a profession, but if it comes out of desperation, it's a different deal.

Borrowed from the Kawaii Megami Ichigo blog

Having said that, I welcome myself back in business, and will post some of my more recent purchases soon.

I have many names

I thought I'd post something that doesn't fall under the "srs bsns" -category for once. This one is about some of the names and nicks I carry around in the world of Internetz. :)

Tzimisce

As some of you may know, I love pen&paper storytelling RPG. Yeah, the kind with character sheets and dice. I've been especially a fan of White Wolf's setting, "World of Darkness", which originates all the way back to the early 90's. It's a world just like ours, except somewhat more sinister and even gothic, with various supernatural creatures inhabiting it. The Tzimisce are a clan of vampires from the WoD game "Vampire the Masquerade", originally from Eastern Europe. They have plenty of features and abilities in common with Bram Stoker's take on Dracula, and are the quintessential unfeeling, sadistic monsters. The Tzimisce are on a constant quest of metamorphosis, transscending from their mortal coil through experiments into surreal, inhumane (un)living monuments of either horror or beauty, equally as terrible and disturbing. I've always had a thing for the Tzimisce. They are distant and reclusive, and I identify with that. They are the most hospitable hosts, but extremely territorial, just as I am. I find Eastern European cultures and history interesting, so the Tzimisce were a natural choice of focus for me.

Three different takes on the clan from different era setting books of VtM. I love how the dude on the left looks like a used car salesman and the guy in the middle looks like he belongs in a campy Blackmetal band.

Red Panda

On a completely opposite end of the spectrum from the Tzimisce is the Red Panda. She's fluffy, innocent, childlike and very friendly, viewing the world as being full of wonders. She's a part of me I show to my friends, and the closer a friend, the more I show this part of me instead of the regally cynical scientist that is the Tzimisce. The Red Panda has been my spirit animal since 2006. This may all sound schizophrenic to you, but I assure you I'm quite sane. Well, as sane as can be expected, of course. I love the fact that I call my closest friends mostly by their animal names, such as Owl, Squirrel or Badger, and they call me Panda.

Oh hi!

Heetteri

Surprisingly enough, this nick has also started with RPGs. There used to be an RPG chat where I played (again in a WoD setting) an Irish reporter by the name of Heather O'Keavy. I had that character for 5 years, and grew very attached to her. Heather soon became the "Finnified" version, "Heetteri" off-game, and some people I got to know through the game still call me by my nick. I've used Heetteri as a nick in various other places after that, so it still lives on, no matter how outdated.

A commision QueenOfDorks did for me way back. I still get pissed off if someone uses this as their userpic, it's MY PROPERTY, damn it!

Inna or Innah

Welll, my real name's Ines, and when I was little, and couldn't yet pronounce it, I called myself Innah. I told this to my boyfriend, and he's called me Inna for a long time now. This nickname carries a special significance and warmth to it.

Difficult issue: Lolita and weight

Alright. Well, at least we're still not heading into the direction of the gyaru circles, where sometimes anyone normal and even slim are called fat cows. But we do have the horrible name "fatty-chan" that's quite casually thrown around, especially in the secrets of BtB. Granted, most of the girls featured are obese, no doubt about it, and could both dress more suitably for their body type and lose a bit of weight for health reasons, if nothing else.

I've just recently come to the realisation that I myself am slightly overweight, even chubby, and have struggled with doing something about it for a year now. The problem was never that I eat too much, but because, for the longest time, I ate way too little, any pounds I lost with this unhealthy way, came back with interest whenever I began to eat normally again. So here I am, 11kg over the limit of what is considered normal, painfully slowly dropping what I've gained, but at least in a healthy way. Excercise and a balanced diet work wonders, and boy am I glad I've never been a real binge-eater or a huge cookie-monster. The occasional treat is fine, as long as it doesn't involve a chunk of chocolate cake.

However, even when the Finnish Lolita circles are accepting, weighty Lolitas are pariahs on a more global scale. The right way to deal with one's weight issues isn't really to blame the brands for making small clothes - when I was of average weight, I fit brand just fine, just not all of them, and we shouldn't be so judgemental of those who want to alter their brand items to fit more comfortably. The word "their" is in bold, because nobody has to think of resale value, the clothes are the property of whoever happens to have purchased them. This applies no matter how much some people may whine. Like I've said - if I want to take a dress of an extremely rare print and make hankies out of it, that's my choice, although it would show poor judgement.

It's sad that weightloss goes overboard with some Lolitas, and when they want to lose the weight as quickly as possible (as I did earlier), the ways they starve themselves is unhealthy and destructive. No one should do that for something as trivial as fitting into the clothes of an obscure style. The best way to go about it would be to take things slow and stay determined. This simple truth is lost on many younger people who still haven't quite developed the ability to discern the outcomes of their actions. This is not to say that girls and boys under ~25 are stupid or unable to make sound decisions, but neuropsychological development scale with includes the frontal lobe of the brain (the part which deals with these things) is against them when it comes to acting on impulse and not pausing to think things through without emotional disruptions.

I'm not even completely certain what I want to accomplish with this post. Weight-issues are a problem in the western world as a whole, and shuttling through adolescence and youth without some influence and pressure of both media and peers is extremely difficult. It took me years to come to terms with who I am, and I still struggle with not letting my weight affect my self-esteem, and I sometimes wonder how anyone could do that in today's society. Lolita seems to attract many people who have been outcasts and who already try to cope with mental problems, and the norms of this fashion certainly don't help them in any way.

We could try and be more supportive and open-minded; we could try to be a bit gentler with our fellow passengers. Even when the wolves are on our heels as well.