Questionnaire

I was sorta tagged by Laura to do this question-and-answer meme, so here goes nothing!

1. Do you have any idols. If yes, who are they?

I'm lousy at being an actual huge fangirl of anything or anyone, but I've always found Peter Steele (Type 0 Negative), Meryl Streep and Freddie Mercury to be inspirational. Stephen Hawking's another person I could call a kind of an idol.

2. Are you an early bird or a night owl?

Definitely an early bird, especially when I've adjusted to the 6.30-22.00 cycle due to my office job. I don't really stay up too late or sleep until noon during vacations either, so I suppose I'm overall a morning person.

3. If you had million dollars/euros/yen/kronor/squirrel's hides/whatever what would you do with it?

It's not quite enough to quit my job, but I might pay off my student loan and credit card and pay my way through University studies comfortably. I think I'd travel around a bit and help some friends who have financial troubles (not the shopping-addicts though, sorry. ;D <3)

4. If you could remove one thing from the world, what would that be?

My initial thought was "limited resources", but we'd never really learn then, would we? I think what I'd remove was skewed priorities.

5. What kind of weather do you like?

I love sunshine! I'm a solar-powered panda. All weather has its good points, though, so I'm not very picky unless the weather doesn't suit my plans. ;)

6. Would you rather lose both of your legs or your dominant hand?

My dominant hand. If people learn to use their feet or mouth to do tasks that require intricate motoric functions, I'm preeetty sure my brain would learn to re-route its connections so that I'd be drawing and writing just fine. Losing both my legs would mean having to depend on other people at least to some extent, and as an active person I'd hate to go through such a huge adjustment.

7. What is your favourite food?

As an avid home cook and a bit of a gourmand, I have several, from basic mash&meatballs or cheese cake to sushi, creme brulée or goat's cheese pasta.

8. Where would you travel if you'd win a free trip anywhere?

I know I've already been to Prague once, but I have such a huge longing to return, I might just do that. Then again I've wanted to go to Florence for so long, and wouldn't mind seeing awesome shows on New York's Broadway...

9. What do you hate the most?

Stupidity and ignorance.

10. If you could change the world, would you?

That's something I'd have to think long and hard about. Changes might have unforeseen consequences that might land us in an even bigger mess, so any changes would require careful planning. I've never been just an idle dreamer that walks with her head in pink clouds with words like "world peace" or "end world hunger" on her lips. I'm more like one of those dreamers that have words like "sustainable progress" and "personal responsibility" in their vocabulary.

Small post: Mental health and lolita

A friend of mine recently posted in her FB that she's feeling depressed because she can't afford to buy more dresses right now, and fears that she'll become less popular because of it. I told her that I wouldn't care if she wore a Milanoo plastic lace monstrosity with crocks, she'd still be my friend. Another friend admitted to feeling the same way at times - this really got me thinking.

More dresses = popularity?
Popularity = Self-worth? Justification for being? Filling a void of acceptance?

Why is this style so popular with girls who have severe self-esteem and self-appreciation issues? Depression, obsessive behaviour, eating disorders, suicidal tendencies, panic attacks and a whole array of other mental health problems seem to be more of a norm than an exception with the followers of this fashion. I personally have overcome the worst years, and although I've never been to the really deep end of it, I've had my difficult times. I still sometimes get panic attacks and struggle with my self-image, but it's nothing compared to the trials some of my friends and associates have to deal with.

Unfortunately this fashion also attracts some people with narcissistic personality disorders, and I don't just mean mere vanity and attention-seeking. I mean the kind of deal where someone manipulates others into doing their bidding, making these already beaten-down girls feel even worse, even more inadequate and desperate.


Why does this style in particular seem to harbour so many broken people? Any thoughts?

Lifestyle Lolita



Borrowed from Hearty & Hearty

 The topic pops up once in a while, both online and in conversations. What is it, and what are its definitions? Is it enough to wear Lolita on a daily basis, or does it go to a length where one should also build one's life solely around the fact that one is a Lolita - choosing a suitable job, house, interior decoration, mode of transportation, hobbies and everything else? Most seem to tilt towards the latter, but I think that, while it's completely alright to "lolify" your life, it also shouldn't automatically mean that you have to make compromises and exclude some things you really enjoy, or are convenient. "I really want to take my car, but princesses have to walk or ride a horse-drawn carriage, or at least have their own driver" would be a perfect example. Another pne could be "I want to listen to heavy metal, but that's not loli-compatible at all." The most extreme act of sacrifice would be to shun friends or even love-relationships because they don't fit the bill.

I have no real personal experience of the subject, save through some friends and the rare blog dealing with lifestyling. However, sometimes I can't help but wonder what parts of my life are "close enough"? I make music, I read, draw and write, enjoy tea and picnics, as I've previously stated in an earlier post, but other than that? Well, I suppose some parts of my interior decoration are sort of fitting of the style - my small, red suede-covered couch, red curtains with black tassels, my plushie-filled bed (if I could just get around to finally hanging that curtain-rod and purple curtains in front of it) and so forth. I've never been too much into "nesting", home is a place to relax, it's not a showroom or questhouse for me. I very rarely invite anyone over.

Here's a blog entry called "My week in world of lifestyle lolita", interesting stuff!

What about my mode of transportation? I take the bus or train. So not loli, since the buses are pretty much modern, and the trains don't run on steam. My significant other? Sure, I think he looks like the hunkier type of Disney-male(We've sometimes joked around that he's like a mixture of the Beast and Gaston, the latter of whom he DESPISES with abandon), he does some archery, collects swords and weapons, and even dresses in a gentlemanly way to special events, but other than that...he's more of a cowboy than a dainty prince with silk slippers. My work, then? Well, I suppose a tranquil office job as the school secretary of an upper secondary school of visual arts (some Lolitas actually attend this school) would accommodate me wearing the style, but really - I just can't be bothered to get all dolled up every morning, when the first thing on my mind after waking up is having a bath, eating my breakfast and getting ready to go asap. I suppose I wouldn't make a very good lifestyle lolita, I just don't have the dedication necessary.

I decided to ask some of my friends about how they see LSL.

One friend told me: "I love getting ready and dressed up at my mom's place - it's huge! I think Lolita has affected my taste in interior decoration, and I feel more inclined to dress up pretty whenever I look at the things I have. Then again when I'm at home, I can't be bothered to be all dolled up since only my boyfriend will see me, and when in lolita it's more difficult to just hang around the computer."

Mimi commented:
"It's always been very natural to me, just like for some goths, when the lifestyle just sort of follows along. In a way I don't think I've had to really sacrifice anything, but rather I've added things to what was already there. It's very rewarding. If I'd want to be super-fancy here, I'd say lolita is a continuum of how I live my life."

Katja, on the other hand, said the following:

"I see myself as being somewhere between a basic lolita enthusiast and a lifestyler. Full LSL seems to require some sacrifices, and I wouldn't call myself a lifestyler before quitting smoking, for example (which would be a wise sacrifice for the benefit of health anyway). Lolita is really the only motivator I have to quit smoking I wear lolita a lot more than average, I'd estimate around 4-5 days a week, and I'd like to up the ratio to 7 days a week. I would be interested in moving towards a more LSL direction."

Kati was abundant in her commentary, so I had to put it in a nutshell:
"Lolita has been a life-saver for me, the one constant that's kept me going over the years, when things have seemed impossibly dark. It's a huge part of my persona.  I've got such great friends through this style, and most of my friends are - and have been - Lolitas. I think I don't really do Lolita, but rather perform it in the strictest sense. I try and wear it as often as humanly possible, because I don't feel at home in regular clothing. Lolita makes me confident and it makes me feel beautiful and accomplished. Then again it has demanded some sacrifices, such as time, it's an all-consuming thing."

Marie was also generous with words, so here's her contribution (after I butchered it):
"I don't know if I've got much to say on the topic. I don't really think of myself as lolita any more, but more of a neo-Victorian, which includes lolita to an extent. My style is self-expression, and a natural continuum of my way of life rather than the lifestyle itself. I don't care to follow any holy rules or pick my interests based on lolita, I just happen to also like things that are lolita-credible. The only thing that's LSL about me is the fact that I wear the style every day. At the end of the day, what DOES make a LSL? Do people have to chase some unattainable ideal by changing oneself to fit into it, especially if that ideal differs from person to person?"

Indeed. LSL really isn't expected of anyone, unless the person expects it of themselves. My friends confirmed my own thoughts quite thoroughly. LSL can be a naturally following result from a certain kind of set of mind or something to strive for in order to feel better about one's life, but it isn't worth destroying one's happiness over. What LSL includes may differ from person to person, there really isn't a comprehensive set of guidelines or a global consensus on the matter. Non-lifestylers are not inferior lolitas in any way.

Money money money

Borrowed from the Parfaitdoll -blog

Lolita is an expensive style, even if you've got a job, are adept at making your own clothes or only buy second hand, off-brand or replicas. The way I've gathered it, many Lolitas I know don't have many other hobbies besides Lolita, and have had to give up on things they used to do and love (sometimes this even includes paying the rent or buying groceries) just to be able to afford the things they want. There was a conversation about this in the Enfant Terrible FB-group recently, with the title "how would you spend your money without Lolita?" Some replied that they'd probably use it in other types of clothing, electronics or - like I said, hobbies.

I myself am a busy bee. For a few examples, it's not cheap to go to the gym, my online psychology studies (not to mention the books required) aren't any different, drawing equipment is costly, and by the time I've paid the bills and budgeted my grocery-shoppings, not much money is left for the spending. I only buy Lolita when there happens to be some extra in my account or I come across something I absolutely have got to have this instance. I don't really have the option of "how would I spend my money", when Lolita is just another moveable expense as any other expense. If I wasn't in a band, didn't know how to hold a pen, didn't study or wasn't into sports in any way, I suppose I could be splurging with shopping some more.

The average second-hand brand JSK costs around 100-250€, and I'm a bit ashamed to say I do many of my ex tempore buying with a credit card, which I've very nearly maxed out and am slowly paying off with my meager salary. Why couldn't I just have put the same amount of money aside for later purchases and simply waited? I may be a lot of things, but a very prudent saver I am not. As much as I seem to preach about common sense and moderation in this blog, immediate payoff is sometimes too tempting a thing to pass. For my defense I can, however, say that my credit rating is fine and I haven't gotten into trouble with money. My job is secured for as long as I want it, and although I don't earn a lot, I do get by.

Same isn't true for a lot of people who get caught up in the world of must have and shopping to meet some invisible need. I've read about girls who've gotten themselves in so much debt they couldn't handle it anymore, and some girls pay for their clothes with prostitution. Is it all really worth it? I'm not one of those people who damn prostitution as a profession, but if it comes out of desperation, it's a different deal.

Borrowed from the Kawaii Megami Ichigo blog

Having said that, I welcome myself back in business, and will post some of my more recent purchases soon.

Difficult issue: Lolita and weight

Alright. Well, at least we're still not heading into the direction of the gyaru circles, where sometimes anyone normal and even slim are called fat cows. But we do have the horrible name "fatty-chan" that's quite casually thrown around, especially in the secrets of BtB. Granted, most of the girls featured are obese, no doubt about it, and could both dress more suitably for their body type and lose a bit of weight for health reasons, if nothing else.

I've just recently come to the realisation that I myself am slightly overweight, even chubby, and have struggled with doing something about it for a year now. The problem was never that I eat too much, but because, for the longest time, I ate way too little, any pounds I lost with this unhealthy way, came back with interest whenever I began to eat normally again. So here I am, 11kg over the limit of what is considered normal, painfully slowly dropping what I've gained, but at least in a healthy way. Excercise and a balanced diet work wonders, and boy am I glad I've never been a real binge-eater or a huge cookie-monster. The occasional treat is fine, as long as it doesn't involve a chunk of chocolate cake.

However, even when the Finnish Lolita circles are accepting, weighty Lolitas are pariahs on a more global scale. The right way to deal with one's weight issues isn't really to blame the brands for making small clothes - when I was of average weight, I fit brand just fine, just not all of them, and we shouldn't be so judgemental of those who want to alter their brand items to fit more comfortably. The word "their" is in bold, because nobody has to think of resale value, the clothes are the property of whoever happens to have purchased them. This applies no matter how much some people may whine. Like I've said - if I want to take a dress of an extremely rare print and make hankies out of it, that's my choice, although it would show poor judgement.

It's sad that weightloss goes overboard with some Lolitas, and when they want to lose the weight as quickly as possible (as I did earlier), the ways they starve themselves is unhealthy and destructive. No one should do that for something as trivial as fitting into the clothes of an obscure style. The best way to go about it would be to take things slow and stay determined. This simple truth is lost on many younger people who still haven't quite developed the ability to discern the outcomes of their actions. This is not to say that girls and boys under ~25 are stupid or unable to make sound decisions, but neuropsychological development scale with includes the frontal lobe of the brain (the part which deals with these things) is against them when it comes to acting on impulse and not pausing to think things through without emotional disruptions.

I'm not even completely certain what I want to accomplish with this post. Weight-issues are a problem in the western world as a whole, and shuttling through adolescence and youth without some influence and pressure of both media and peers is extremely difficult. It took me years to come to terms with who I am, and I still struggle with not letting my weight affect my self-esteem, and I sometimes wonder how anyone could do that in today's society. Lolita seems to attract many people who have been outcasts and who already try to cope with mental problems, and the norms of this fashion certainly don't help them in any way.

We could try and be more supportive and open-minded; we could try to be a bit gentler with our fellow passengers. Even when the wolves are on our heels as well.

Casual post 2

I've had trouble with my right arm and hand, I was off work on sick-leave for 4 days last week because it was aching so bad. Two of my fingers are still numb, and I'm waiting for them to start getting better, and my wrist's still a bit sore, but other than that, I'm back in the game!

I'm doing a gift-wrapping tutorial for the Advent calendar of Enfant Terrible by drawing, and also adding some pics of my wrapped gifts once I get around to it. I might even post it here, and add translations to English under the drawn tutorial pictures, since the whole thing is in Finnish. I'm going to buy a fake Christmas tree, and should also purchase some decorations for it, since there really isn't a Christmas without a tree for me. I've been waiting for the days to pass so that I can finally start publicly hyping about the holidays.

On a more serious note...
Someone said in their blog that they read the ones with lots of purchase photos and outfits, but I've never thought of myself as one of those bloggers. I'm more in the direction of a journalistic "something to say" -kinda blogger, and since very few Lolita-related blogs are like this one, I find it hard to find an audience. I don't put my whole soul into the fashion, I don't compulsively shop for knick-knacks and shoes to fill a void and feel validated by the community, and I don't value people by how much Angelic Pretty they have on.

Am I alone in the universe of this style?

Styles of a questionable nature

Some styles of Lolita are like the Loch Ness monster or the Abominable Snowman - it's debated whether they really even exist, or what they include. Maybe we're all just so hell-bent on inventing labels for everything that we somehow find it necessary.

Ero Lolita

When asked for a definition for what Ero Lolita is, there seems to be as many views as there are respondents. Some (rarely those long into Lolita as a style) think it's showing as much skin as humanly possible, some say it could be something as subtle as using a certain fabric. I tend to disagree with both of these extreme views, and will now try to outline what I think it is. Yes, showing some skin definitely is a part of Ero Lolita, but not in the "bought this fetish Alice costume from Leg Avenue" -way. If you're going to show cleavage, cover everything else. If you want to show some leg, keep the top quite demure.

We've seen some quite differing takes on Ero Lolita over the years. Some photo shoots would suggest it's ero if you put on a corset and bloomers and parade around, posing in your underwear. But that's not Ero Lolita, that's just pin-up, in my opinion. Yes, even if you put that ridiculous Rococo-style cage-underskirt frame on top. An Ero Lolita outfit could comprise of leaving your blouse at home, to reveal some boob-action. Not enough to shout "hey, look at these puppies", but just enough to be suggestive. Or maybe it's those super high heels in your shoes, paired with fishnet or lace stockings?

Country Lolita

Is it really a separate style, or just another variation of Sweet/Classic Lolita? Country style straw hats, gingham fabrics and picnic-basket accessories were all the rage at some point, but I seriously don't know if that should merit their own substyle all together. As cute, dainty and as rustic as these clothes are.

Bittersweet Lolita

It's pretty much just sweet prints on a black background. Some people insist on making this into a whole new style and calling it Bittersweet. I really don't know what to make of it - maybe we should start calling baby blue Lolita outfits "Sky Sweet Lolita", while we're at it?

Hime Lolita

Stop the press! Lolita can be worn with Hime hair and tiaras or crowns! And here I was, thinking crowns and tiaras can be incorporated with Lolita without it automatically becoming a different style altogether. Not to mention that Lolita's supposed to be somewhat princess-y, with or without crowns etc.

Elitism, drama and cattiness.

They're an often reoccurring phenomenon whenever young women are present in large groups, especially when those groups are in any way related to the way one looks. Your worth is measured by how much your outfits cost, how well you dress, how much you weigh and how well you fit the current standard of beauty. There's no denying it, we all resort to judging now and then. Even if it's just inside our head, thinking "why is she wearing that"  or "why won't she get that nose fixed". It's so easy to get carried away on something that requires little more of you than the ability to follow guidelines and look pretty. If you're not careful, it stops being an element in your life which brings you happiness and self-contentment, but instead, becomes a source of stress, dissatisfaction, hurt feelings and obsession to achieve elusive perfection.

Let's face it, a surprisingly large percentage of Lolitas were bullied at school, or at least weren't among the popular kids. In the school environment, often, they were the runts, the freaks and the outcasts. Then, suddenly the opportunity to be a part of the "in-group" presents itself, and backstabbing, petty gossip and "more-brand-than-you" or "prettier than you" -attitude seems to be rewarded just like in high school (etc)where the girls with the most expensive clothes, best hair, skin and teeth, not to mention shallow attitude, were the ones to be.

Weren't these the exact people no one really wants to be in the end? These mockeries of human beings with nothing more to aspire for than the next print by such and such brand, to fill some emotional void of being accepted and admired? And yet, the secrets-community thrives and prospers, and "e-fame" is so coveted it becomes a virtue all on its own. I don't know about you, but I'd say we do a pretty crappy job at not making fashion personal.

Here in Finland, the situation isn't as bad as it could be. There are a lot of us in relation to how small a nation this is, but generally newcomers that take advice and act like any decent human being are quickly accepted as part of the community. Everybody pretty much knows everybody at least to some extent, and we tend to try and solve issues openly. And still...the occasional bad-mouthing secret appears in BTB, when some coward decides they have to let some other Lolita know how much they hate her.

I've been a part of this community for a long time, and although the issue of being "ancient" comes up sometimes, I try not to make a big deal out of it, since it really isn't. At the end of the day, these are just clothes, made of fabric, to cover our bodies with. I've been dressing a bit funny all my life - what's so unique about Lolita?

What is your purpose?

Something makes me come back to the frills even after a period of hiatus. Something in it beckons me again and again, and while the thought of eventually growing too old to pull the style off doesn't horrify me, it certainly irritates me. Why do I love it even when my closet isn't one of those that are full to bursting and I don't spend every waking hour wearing it?

What initially drew me in was the quintessential girliness, it was the complete opposite of what I'd been wearing, which is probably one of the reasons why I was especially fascinated with Sweet Lolita. The pastels, bows, flowers and lace were an unabashed declaration of princess-like femininity in its most stereotypical sense, and it offered me a wonderful alternative after clothing myself in goth-style for such a long time. Suddenly I found myself "thinking pink" and instead of always picking something red or black, I would go for the colours more suitable to my new style. I guess it was a time of transition of some kind, maybe even a slight rebellion against growing up. I've been an "all-at-once" -kind of chameleon with plenty of things, and this was no exception.

After finding the gothic colour-schemes again later, the style has grown on me in a more mellow and less "radical" way. It's still a kind of an imaginary world -bubble that I share with likeminded individuals, but it seems to come more naturally these days. I've always had plenty of girls I like in the Lolita-circles, but only some I could've called actual friends. That changed when I became more active in my local community a few years ago, meeting people whose company I enjoy in and out of the style. That, I think, also keeps up my interest in wearing Lolita and inspires me.

Like many of you, I was also a bit of a tomboy growing up, and often, instead of being the princess, I opted for being either the wicked witch or even the prince. Certainly I had some dresses for special occasions and I would play faerie/mermaid stuff as eagerly as I would play gangsters or Tarzan, but I guess I was never a very girly girl. I was also a bit of a pushover when I was smaller, so I would let my super-girly friends have the pretty dresses and play the prince instead, when it came to princess-dressup. So this might be my way of taking back what was stolen, haha!

Me, I think at the age of 3 or 4. That Luke Skywalker hair
and spiffing flowery dress, not to mention funny teeth!

Lolita doesn't only make me feel pretty, it seems to suit me far better than any other style. I'm relatively short (just under 5'2) and my features are somewhat youthful and round, and I still get that cheerful feeling of accomplishment after putting together an attractive coord. The way the hem spreads out on top of the petticoat, the way headwear adds that special finish and the way I completely transform from my normal, frumpy appearance is magical every time.

That's a feeling worth holding on to.