Kate Bush is a quirky lady!

Especially in Kate Bush's older material, she had some awesomely funny and downright weird gems like "Coffee Homeground". It's got a definite 1900's vibe with a touch of cabaret. Have a listen and enjoy the giggle-inducing lyrics! Her take on a false German accent here and there is just darling.

COFFEE HOMEGROUND

Down in the cellar
You're getting into making poison.
You slipped some on the side,
Into my glass of wine
And I don't want any coffee--homeground.

Offer me a chocolate,
No thank you, spoil my diet, know your game!
But tell me just how come
They smell of bitter almonds?
It's a no-no to your coffee homeground.

Pictures of Crippin
Lipstick-smeared.
Torn wallpaper.
Have the walls got ears here?

Well, you won't get me with your Belladonna--in the coffee,
And you won't get me with your aresenic--in the pot of tea,
And you won't get me in a hole to rot--with your hemlock
On the rocks.

Where are the plumbers
Who went a-missing here on Monday?
There was a tall man
With his companion,
And I bet you gave them coffee--homeground.

Maybe you're lonely,
And only want a little company,
But keep your recipes
For the rats to eat,
And may they rest in peace with coffee homeground.

Well, you won't get me with your Belladonna--in the coffee,
And you won't get me with your aresenic--in the pot of tea,
And you won't put me in a six-foot plot--with your hemlock
On the rocks.

You won't get me with your Belladonna--in the coffee,
And you won't get me with your aresenic--in the pot of tea,
And you won't get me in a hole to rot--with your hemlock
On the rocks.

With your hemlock on the rocks.
"Noch ein Glas, mein Liebchen?"*
With your hemlock on the rocks.
"Es schmeckt wunderbar!"*
With your hemlock on the rocks.

Lolis doing unloli things

Most of us have things we do that aren't considered very compatible with the style. At the end of the day we aren't just a bunch of stereotypes, but there are so many interests and features that define us or are a part of us besides the way we dress. However, I wanted to write about the "unloli-things" that are on my list. Some of you are sure to have interests in common with me!

1. Bad habits

Swearing, weekend-smoking and slouching (I have the worst posture). I do at least try to avoid them when dressed up fancy, since two of the aforementioned are especially frowned upon by most Lolitas, but then again - it's only clothes. If someone is terribly offended by swearwords, it's not me they have to avoid, but most of popular culture today, not to mention walking outside where strangers may splurt out naughty words! And when it comes to smoking, I tend to stay away from non-smokers so as not to afflict them. If it's just the habit that bothers others, tough luck - it's still my body.

 

2. Violent entertainment

I know for a fact I'm not alone on this one; there's plenty of film buffs and gamer geeks among Lolitas. I've suggested a shooting-range meetup, and the idea was met with great enthusiasm. So games that involve guns and hack'n'slash, horror and action movies/shows with gore are a part of what I like to do and watch. Sadly I haven't had much time for gaming in the past few years. When time is scarce, there has to be a certain amount of trade-offs.

 

3. Junk food

I don't indulge very often, but I can't help but enjoy hamburgers, french fries, potato chips, pizza or popcorn now and then. Very few of us are immune to the alluring call of salt and saturated fat, and I'm no exception. I have a balanced and healthy diet most of the time, but sometimes there's just no substitute for some good old-fashioned bacon.

 

4. Going to the gym 

It's not calmly horseback-riding side-saddle, it's not waltzing at a costume-party or walking about in the beautiful countryside with a parasol. It's hard work, sweat, pain and an endorphine-rush. Not very graceful or ladylike at all, but rewarding and energy-boosting for sure.

 

5. Having a sex-life

Nothing special about that, as most of us over the age of 18 are dating, or at least have done it a few times, right? Nope, this still seems to be an issue that one should pretty much stay quiet about as much as possible, because the lolita circles are, in this case, divided into three groups; the underaged oblivious (who mostly still live under the impression that all lolitas are eternal virgins and boys are yucky if they're not Japanese pop-/rockstars), the refined ladies/innocents who deem all talk of bodily functions and needs inappropriate, and the "radicals", who have no need to hide any aspect of their lives, including pornography or what goes on in the sack. But just because you can never be sure who belongs to which faction, it's better to get to know people before sharing intimate stuff with anyone. It's like a reverse High-School; almost everyone's doing it, no one's talking about it. For some reason it's easy to be labeled as a fetish-dresser or age-player if you both dress in Lolita and are vocal about things like these.

 

6. Questionable sense of humour

Derpaty hurr-durr derp durr. In addition to enjoying intellectual satire, play-on-words and witty banter, I also go for the immature, infantile humour, centering on lower parts of one's body. Making faces, physical comedy and putting on my head things that shouldn't be put on one's head are another great source of chuckles. These should be enjoyed in the company of people who enjoy it as well, otherwise a generous serving of awkward is on the menu.

Trip down memory lane: style progression

I'd better get the embarrassing truth out there, and encourage others to do the same! I really had to dig up some ancient dirt, but as we all know; the Internet doesn't forget, so I was able to recover plenty of incriminating evidence!

2001-2005

This was when I first learned there was a style by the name of Lolita. The Internet provided very little information; only a few photos and vague references to dolls and anime. I have no pictures of  the time I initially experimented with the style (towards the end of 2005), but it was awful and dead wrong, trust me. Lots of scratchy lace was involved.

2006

Slowly getting a picture of what Lolita includes, I still made some beginner's errors, as can be seen below. Tiny aprons, messy and fake-looking Goth hair, cosplay-gloves, corsets, nurse-caps and kitty ear-warmers are totally a part of a successful outfit.

Me, making Eä&Visual look even better in comparison.

2007

Finally! The anatomy and quality of a real Lolita outfit pretty much down, and this was the time when it was already a bit more common for brand and information being available online. I myself was an avid Angelic Pretty fan, and got a huge load of pink-and-white items from Japan in the summer of 2007. All of them I sold pretty quickly, I suppose, after only a few uses.

Already flirting with Gothic Lolita for Halloween meetup in 2007.

2008

 This was the year of transition for me. Still a full-on sweet lolita, it was in the summer of 2008 that I wanted to first try Kuro and then also start using black, white and red. My Amalolita days were a thing of the past by 2009.

I and Marie sharing secrets.

Although looking red-nosed and flustered, the outfit was nice and I loved my hair!

2009-2012

So here we are. Starting from full-on Kuro Lolita and eventually moving on to traditional Gothic Lolita. I've been wearing my favourite Metamorphose dress and that self-made bonnet to hell and back, they're probably the only two Lolita things I own that I won't give up or sell.